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cole-saberhagen:

Terrible Borderlands Dates - Choose Yours!

Troy Calypso
- Shows up an hour late without a shirt on
- According to him, a date with him isn’t just a date, “it’s an experience”
- Broadcasts the whole date live
- Takes you back to his place to show you his crazy hi-tech gun collection
- Spends 20 minutes showing off how many things he can crush with his arm
- Spends another 30 minutes showing off his sword techniques
- Knights you with his sword. You are now part of the Children of the Vault family
- Tyreen shows up and a full blown sibling fight breaks out about privacy
- You’re not sure if the date is over or not, so you just sit there sipping on the energy drink Troy generously gave you from his stash
- The broadcast is still live so you can’t leave
“Don’t forget to like, follow and obey”

Katagawa Jr.
- Insists on going to the fanciest restaurant on Promethea
- Shouts at the waiter when they inform him there is no ‘secret menu’
- Orders the most expensive item but doesn’t touch any of it
- Spends the whole time talking about Rhys Strongfork
- Has an entire argument, with himself, about how Maliwan coffee is superior to Atlas coffee
- Cancels the rest of the date for an ‘emergency meeting’
- Walks out and leaves you with the entire bill
“Rhys will come around eventually”

Rhys Strongfork
- Takes you blindfolded to a secure undisclosed and very secret location on Promethea for the date
- Makes you go through a 10 minute security check on arrival, just in case
- Zer0 is here. You’re the only one who seems to find that awkward
- He sends Zer0 out to the Rise and Grind coffee house to get you both drinks
- Has an entire argument, with himself, about how Atlas coffee is superior to Maliwan coffee
- Zer0 is back by the time the argument is over. You’re not sure how much time has passed
- Zer0 stays for the whole rest of the date. You’re not quite sure who’s dating who at this point
“So, what do you think of my siege mustache?” -winks-

Handsome Jack
- Takes you to Moxxi’s just to be rude to her while she’s working
- Helps himself to half of the food on your plate
- Orders every drink, gets extremely drunk and breaks/throws at least one thing
- Shouts loudly over the whole room that he’s always DTF on the 1st date
- He has forgotten your name at this point of the evening
- Pays for everything by making it rain paper bills all over the floor
“Oh yeah, did I mention I’m RICH?!”

Timothy Lawrence
- Doesn’t mind where you go, is just happy to spend time with someone that isn’t going to murder him (he hopes)
- A good listener, or this is the 1st decent meal he’s had in a while and he’s focusing on that, you can’t tell
- Automatically says a Handsome Jack quote out loud whenever someone walks by the table
- Is awkwardly bad at making conversation but tries his best
- Tells a joke but it bombs because he over-explains it
- Dives under the table after a long period of awkward silence to pick up someone’s dropped change (hey, jackpot!)
- Offers to pay but looks extremely grateful and agrees when you counter-offer to split the bill
“T-thanks for the date. Maybe we can do this again…some time..? no? okay”

Mr. Torgue
- Sends you on an elaborate and ultimately pointless quest with various stages
- Talks to you over the ECHOnet the whole time from his space truck
- Mentions his grandma at least twice
- By the end of the evening you’re now the most baddass champion of the Campaign of Carnage
- Wait, was this actually a date or…?
“EXPLOOOOSIONS!”

xxminie:

i wanted to draw a face thats a little more mature, so i chose my second favourite borderlands character to practice on. this took ages lmao colours are a nightmare.

singuminklarity:

“It’s a Doomsday, pumpkin”

kumatan0720:

lumoslyra:

lumoslyra:

kumatan0720:

How to make dad play with you 101

This is precious and adorable and makes me want to drabble.

Draco was having such a good dream. 

He was on a beach somewhere with crystal clear turquoise water so clear that crabs could be seen scuttling to and fro on the sandy bottom while schools of brightly coloured fish swam in unnameable patterns.  His beautiful wife was wearing naught but a bikini and a ridiculously large sun hat and his body was pressed against hers while he kissed her languidly.  Blunted fingernails scraped against his scalp as she ran her fingers through his hair only to cup his cheeks in her hands and pull him closer to her.  

He could feel the warm sun beating down upon his back as he pulled her closer, laving open mouthed kisses over the curve of her neck and shoulder. His wife’s delicate hands slid over the planes of his body to yank at the towel wrapped around his waist. 

“Mm,” he hummed against her skin, “Someone’s impatient.” 

She giggled, nuzzling her nose against his and kissed him again. The tug at his towel became more insistent.  

When his arms tightened around his witch, he heard a very irritated grunt that sounded nothing like his wife but seemed to come from her.  He stopped kissing her and stared down at her, but she looked lovely, content, and mussed in just the way he liked. 

Draco heard the sound again, though it was more like a huff than a grunt and before he knew it, Draco was ripped from sleep to sunlight stinging his eyes, his wife’s side of the bed empty, and a toddler tugging at his dressing gown. 

He’d been so tired last night he must’ve fallen asleep with it on. 

“Daddy!” the tot insisted, climbing up to sit on his back and tugging at his robe. 

“Can’t it wait another minute, Scorpius?” Draco mumbled in a sleepy haze.  He ran his hands over his face and yawned, relaxing back into the pillows.  Merlin help him, he just wanted a few more minutes.  

Unfortunately, his son was as relentless as he had been as a child.  Stubborn as a hippogriff and sneaky as a niffler.  And being only two, very used to getting his own way. 

“No! Pway!” The vowels were drawn out in a whine and Draco felt the chubby hands of his son brace against his back as Scorpius forced himself to stay upright with Draco’s subtle movements. 

With another yawn, Draco propped his head up on his hand, “Won’t you let your dad be at peace?” he asked as Scorpius began to roar like a dragon, only it was significantly less intimidating and consequently much more adorable. 

He couldn’t help but smile at the little blond boy. 

“No!” Scorpius shouted, “Dwagons!”  He held his chubby arms above his head in what Draco assumed was supposed to be a claw-like fashion meant to intimidate.  It was nearly the same motion the little boy used when he wanted to be picked up except for the fact that his face was scrunched up and he was baring his teeth and attempting a roar which sounded rather kittenish and certainly not intimidating.

“Yes, yes. I am aware of your love for dragons,” he deadpanned. Draco had spent much time studying dragons in his youth the moment he learned the meaning of his given name.  However, he could only sing “Little Dragons Eat Their Breakfast” and “Baby Dragon Goes to Town” so many times before he wanted to vomit.  And of course, those asinine songs had to accompany any play with Scorpius’ actual toy dragons. 

Merlin save him from childhood obsessions. 

Scorpius flailed his arms and fell off of Draco and onto the bed, little arms still held aloft with kicking feet and a growly sound coming out of his pouty two year old mouth. 

Draco attempted to sit up, but the little boy was faster than his tired father and very quickly, Draco found himself wide-eyed with an unexpected armful of toddler. He could feel Scorpius smile against his robe as the boy’s arms tightened infinitesimally around him in a tiny hug that carried so much emotion and love as children’s hugs often do.  Sitting up, Draco wrapped Scorpius up in his arms and lifted him from where Scorpius had landed against his stomach. He kissed the top of his head and ruffled his hair. 

Scorpius’s tiny hands fisted Draco’s robe and he grinned, reminding Draco how precious these moments were. 

“Okay, you win.” 

Scorpius innocently interuppting Draco’s lewd dream 🥴🥴 Love that part!

kumatan0720:

But Draco secretly loves it. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

Edit: I was a bit exhausted. I forgot to mention that this piece was based on @lumoslyra’s drabble that she wrote for my previous work. She mentioned that Draco always sings nursery rhymes to Scorpius.